I left my stable corporate job in the legal field after dedicating seven years to pursuing my ultimate ‘career goals’. Twelve months into this decision, truthfully, I still have mixed feelings. But can you ever be 100% sure about anything in your twenties?
Nonetheless, this radical shift in how I spend most of my week forced me onto a path of self-discovery, prompting me to learn things like who I am, what I like, and what is driving me… or WHO is driving me? As the eldest daughter and first-generation immigrant, I will be taking you through my journey of realising that I had unknowingly based my career aspirations on my parents’ career expectations.
Background Story: My Father's Dreams
Now, let me take you back to my childhood. Growing up, my father constantly discussed his dreams of becoming a lawyer when he was young. Having grown up in communist Albania in the ‘90s, he was unable to pursue his passion. Desperate to rewrite the story of his family’s future, he immigrated to the UK alone at the age of 29. After two years of building a base for us from scratch in a foreign country, my mother, my sister, and I joined him in what would now be our new home. I was almost six years old, and I remember the details like it was yesterday. I watched my father work 16-hour days as a lorry driver, and my mother work at home to raise us and take care of our family. As the eldest, I internalised a lot of responsibility in ensuring that I made their hard work worthwhile. But wow did I get it wrong…
University Years
Fast forward thirteen years and it’s my first day as a law student at the University of Sheffield. Nervous yet predominantly filled with excitement, it feels like my whole life has led me to this point. I received a text message from my father after he moved me in (it was more like an essay), and it starts with ‘today, the proudest moment for me to follow a dream I had 27 years ago but I couldn’t make it because I was very poor, and I didn’t have a choice…’ Back then, I didn’t consciously feel like I was pursuing his dreams; I thought we simply shared similar interests and it was my choice. Reflecting now, I realise the subconscious sense of indebtedness to both him and my mother for creating a different life than the one we had in Albania. I also recognise the pressure to pursue a traditional professional path and the anxiety that my creative interests would not be seen as valuable. However, these realisations did not occur until after 7 years of commitment to a career built on the desire to please others. Nonetheless, an underlying uncertainty lingered beneath the surface…
Dancing around my career decisions
As a law student aspiring to become a solicitor, the post-university path is typically well-structured for the next three years. However, a persistent gut feeling suggested this predefined route wasn't right for me. Choosing not to apply for vacation schemes and training contracts during my studies, I sought more time to determine my next steps. I threw myself into different types of part-time work. Since the age of 16, part-time work has played a crucial role in supporting my motivation for my studies. Engaging in different roles unknowingly instilled in me a range of practical skills, from interpersonal communication to problem-solving and working in high-pressure environments. It provided me the confidence to recognise my strengths and where I truly thrive.
Despite having such an enriching university experience, post-graduation anxiety surfaced regarding what discovering a different route would mean for the three years invested in my legal education, which I had ‘dreamed’ of. My subconscious guided my next steps, I followed my father’s dreams and sacrificed my mental wellbeing in the process.
Turning Point: Listening to My Voice
After 18 months in the legal field, a pivotal moment occurred (in the most casual setting). During a carefree with friends about our favourite people on social media, I excitedly shared how I'd spend countless hours exploring content by emerging talents on social platforms. Digging into the strategies of digital creators became a routine, and their ability to build lasting careers fascinated me. Little did I know, these interests would significantly shape what I did next.
Empowered by my friends' support and insistent that I wanted to take control of my future, I enrolled in digital marketing courses to solidify my reasons for shifting industries. The courses injected new life and excitement into my career outlook.
After years of people-pleasing and ignoring my intuition, I took a bold step – I resigned without a job lined up. I didn't share my plans with my parents and most of my friends until after I'd made the decision. Determined to explore my identity and aspirations, I allowed myself the freedom to follow my interests without seeking approval from others.
The reality of ‘finding yourself’
I won’t romanticise the journey of self-exploration because it has been one of the most challenging experiences I’ve faced. When I was adhering to the expectations of being a ‘good immigrant’ and following my parents’ expectations, I found myself tirelessly chasing perfection. Every minor failure or setback would leave me anxious for days, believing that everything I had worked for was instantly jeopardised. The pressure to excel and compete at the highest level stemmed from an innate desire to repay my parents for their sacrifices. I had not struggled as they did in communist Albania, so I had to struggle in other ways to deserve success.
Leaving my corporate job and stepping outside the framework of parental expectations, I decided to depart from the predefined paths and what I thought was my choice. It was about embracing challenges, picking myself up after failures, and learning resilience through experience. The focus shifted from external expectations to intrinsic desires.
My new path was forged on different choices. Starting weekly therapy sessions and opening myself to more vulnerability than I had ever shown. I went through a wave of emotions, experiencing every type and learning so much about myself in the process. Unpacking my anxieties, understanding what I deemed important and deciding what I want to do next were necessary steps in transition into a new path.
Choosing this path was more than a career move; it was a lifestyle shift. Now, every decision is rooted in my genuine interests and desires. It's a journey where the answers reveal themselves through actions, not just contemplation.
Balancing cultural expectations
Reflecting on my path, I’ve come to realise that navigating cultural expectations does not necessitate rejecting my culture and roots. My relationship with my parents was never hostile, but adolescent choices were often influenced by internalised worries about repaying my parents for their sacrifices. Tapping into my subconscious allowed me to unlearn anxious thought processes and recognise that our parents immigrated not for transactional returns, but to provide choices and opportunities for their children.
Engaging in our interests and desires, granting ourselves the freedom to experiment and discover what excites us, becomes the best way to honour both ourselves and our parents. As this chapter unfolds, I look forward to the choices I make for myself and the enjoyment that comes with the process.
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Such a great read! Loved it!
Love the blog - really refreshing to read, great writing style also!